Every year it’s the same shindig: Eve comes around, you make your resolutions, and by the end of the following week, you’re back to whatever the hell it is you did last year. Many addicts return to habit by the fourteenth of the first month, avid procrastinators put it off until next year a week later, and those willing to change their outlook on life get a reminder on why their life sucks at 5:47 AM on the third Monday of February. Fifty two weeks later, the cycle repeats.
It’s possible that the next thought through your head is, “True, but what about those who actually succeeded in their resolutions?” (Or some troll variation written by an angsty twelve year old, your pick.)
I’m not saying that everyone who puts up a resolution or two won’t see it through, because that’s simply not true. I’ve known people who have made their resolutions a reality, and it’s something inspiring to those around them. These people show self initiative and perseverance, both qualities that can be hard to come by these days. Kudos to them, congratulations, well done.
But this is the time that everyone I know makes some sort of resolution that they screw themselves with. We all know smokers who say that it’s bad for us, but they continue to smoke anyway. Then they make the “I’m going to quit by the end of the week” resolution and are back to it by the fourteenth. Same goes for the alcoholics. They’re back at the bar by week three, looking to drown whatever stupid misery they found themselves in with bourbon and scotch as a coping mechanism. Seriously? Attend a meeting, watch some ponies, or chew some gum. It will do you some good.
The idea is to try and be realistic about it. Set goals and work hard towards them, just like those awkward office pep meetings tell you to.
Take for instance, a man whose mass equals half of that of a ’95 midsize sedan, BMI is an over 9000 joke that makes Vegeta roll in his grave, and is moved by a wheelchair with a V8 engine. Let’s face it, what happened to him that drove him to this point doesn’t matter. That isn’t healthy by any standards. This year that man makes a resolution to lose enough weight to do free running like he sees in the YouTube videos. He orders an $800 treadmill and $3000 worth of other equipment online and it arrives two weeks later.
Look, a car of that size probably weighs in anywhere between 1000-1200kg easy. Run the numbers, he’s 500-600kg, over a thousand pounds (for exaggeration purposes). First off, anyone that big should be surprised they’re breathing at all under all of that. Second, those free runners probably weigh in at 70-90kg and likely take years of training. Is this starting to look stupid already? Let me answer that for you: Yes, it is. Why? Simple: Unrealistic. 800lbs in twelve months is insanely unhealthy weight loss.
I don’t have much room to talk, though. I now have a hard time fitting back into my size 38 pants after these holidays, and I was simply too close to fitting into size 36s. But unlike my fictional counterpart, I have a simple steps to undo my mistakes. Yeah, I’m making a resolution, but I’ve been down this stretch before. I know what needs to be done.
So before you go and make that mega resolution with an unrealistic deadline, consider trimming it down to something more manageable, perhaps shrinking the goal or cutting it up into milestones. If you’re 250 lbs and going for 200, try losing 10 lbs over two weeks and keep it off for another two. Walk thirty minutes a day for three days a week. Eat less bad food. It seems slow, but it may be enough for your body to adjust to the new weight. Keep going until you reached your goal, and then if you’re still feeling productive, run another milestone. By August, you will be able to enjoy your new physique.
For best results, consult your doctor, who knows you better than I do. This is just based on my experience.
In my opinion, this stuff is stupidly simple. So simple in fact, that too many books have been written on the subject. They all boil down to the same thing: goals, perseverance, focus. It’s a surprise many people don’t follow this.
So go ahead, enjoy New Year’s Eve. Drink that last bit of champagne, watch the ball drop, celebrate. You’ve got work to do in the morning.
mccloudi 